Sorry this is going to be post that won’t be as fun as the betta fish tale or probably interesting to anyone but myself but I feel as if I need to do it to collect my thoughts on the matter.
At my grandma’s funeral all of my aunts and uncles talked so lovingly about her. I realized that when I die, I want to have something like that to be left behind by me, if that makes any sense. I want to have done something as magical as having my own family.
Now Latte and I had discussed this before. At the time neither of us felt any particular desire to have biological children, we both had heard horror stories about domestic infant adoptions, and so we had talked about adopting out of the foster care system. Generally kids in the foster system who are legally free really do need good homes away from their families of origin.
After reading more about foster care children, the damage done to them by their parents via abandonment/neglect/abuse/various substances consumed during pregnancy, I have a very strong appreciation for people who are able to parent children who, through no fault of their own, have many challenges ahead of them, but I’m not certain that it would be best for our family. I’ve blogged before about Latte’s depression – it’s not the mild take-a-pill-and-it’s-all-better kind, helping her when she needs help would be very hard to do with a child who is delightful but needs extra love. I’m the type who likes to have an hour to myself a day (ideally working out and showering), so it’d put a huge strain on our happy family.
I’ve kind of also changed my mind about how much I don’t want a biological child. After learning that so much of my appearance I have in common with my grandparents, having a little one who looks like them would bring me joy. I know it’s superficial, but they were really important to me when I was growing up and if I can pass on even a tiny bit of them to the next generation, I’ll feel like I have done something good.
Before DOMA and our state legalizing gay marriage, the idea of me carrying our child was out of the question. True a second parent adoption would make the child legally both of ours, but what if something happened during labor/delivery? What if something happened before the paperwork was finalized? My parents are very anti-gay. The last thing I would want would be for my widow to have a long protracted legal fight to keep our child out of the custody of my parents. My parents have gotten more conservative with time, so a young child wouldn’t mesh well with their lifestyle, all other large problems aside.
Anyway, that’s where I am. I would like a biological child. Latte would rather not, she feels the need to rescue a kid from foster care, and Espresso doesn’t care as long as the kid will play with her and drop food. 🙂