Lately I’ve been feeling overbooked. Tonight we’re doing a pumpkin carving with friends, tomorrow we’re handing out Halloween candy to children and then going to a costume contest. I know I’m going to end up running around doing errands Friday or Saturday. When I get free time I end up killing it reading old blogs or playing Candy Crush (which I can’t advance in because I don’t have enough friends to help me unlock the next level, so I’m just collecting stars).
I just want a break. Well, not a break-break, I want a change in my routine. Every day it feels like the same things happen, or a permeation of various things happen. Either I sleep in and Latte walks the dog, or I get up early to do yoga, and have to walk the dog instead. When I get home, I’m exhausted, Latte is busy working. She works for a few hours, I cook myself dinner, do the dishes and take the dog to the dog park, then by the time she stops I’m tired and have a headache.
I feel like I can’t find anything I really *like* doing in my schedule. Taking care of Puppy is fun and it’s nice to be social at the dog park, but… Sometimes I just want to have a really good conversation with Latte. One where I don’t feel like I’m interrupting her work. I’d like to accomplish something in my free time, not just beat a stay-at-home mom friends at various levels of a flash-based games. I only play them because they’re something I can easily pick up and put down.
I feel like I’m in a holding pattern. For what I’m not sure, I don’t know if we’re going to have a kid or what time frame. My career feels like it’s stalling for various reasons I can’t go into. But I don’t feel sad, I mostly feel frustrated and confused about how to move forward. There’s no time and not enough money for me to do any of the things I’d like to do (take a vacation). I’m tired of being told to relax and expected to have a good time when I’m at the place I am now. I can’t enjoy it because it’s not where I want to be. I can deal with it, but I can’t enjoy it.