Here’s the timeline that Latte thinks we should do:

Informational Class- Spring

Training – Summer

The home study will take 4-6 months. 

So, we’re out at least a year, but Latte said she wants us to get a kid in a year or two. And this is assuming that she doesn’t get turned off to the idea of adopting out of foster care, which she might, if that happens, we will explore the idea of either domestic infant adoption or me carrying. Domestic infant adoption is honestly my last choice. White lesbians tend to have the highest wait times and there are ethical issues with some (but not all) domestic adoptions.

We’ve decided that we’re not going to tell Latte’s mom until the kid is here. She asked me about grandchildren when she first met me. I think it may have been the first thing she asked me. Latte tells me she’s had grand-baby rabies since Latte was 16. Latte’s mom is the only family she’s really in contact with (her father passed away when she young).

My family is more complicated. My dad isn’t someone I want watching my kid or around Latte. He feels that as a patriarch he’s entitled to a certain amount of respect and doesn’t respect others. I would feel very uncomfortable if he were watching my child if the child were above a certain age. My mom isn’t bad, but she’s a doormat about my dad. I want my mom to know my kid and my kid to know her, but I understand it will be very difficult to navigate.


About DeCaf

Just a code monkey.
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6 Responses to Timeline

  1. butchjax says:

    Start learning about foster care now. Her past issues will be brought up in home study, as they need to know how she’s worked through them. I know it’s not fun, and it feels invasive, but with so many problems in the foster care system, they have to try to filter out people who wouldn’t be good foster parents. And that means the foster parents have to work through their painful issues as much as possible. Knowing this ahead of time will make the process much smoother for you. Good luck!

    • DeCaf says:

      Yeah, I’m gently suggesting she read some of the blogs I’ve found on foster care, so she won’t be surprised and can better assess if it’s something we can do. Frankly, I feel like it’d be very hard for me and I’m much more at peace with the demons in my past than she is, but her strength often amazes me. She wants us to try, so we’ll give it a go. I figure we’ll probably have it sorted out by next summer either way. If worse comes to worse, we’ll go another route.

      • butchjax says:

        As long as she goes in aware of the possibilities and keeps working on issues I wouldn’t worry. The desire to change makes for a good parent in most cases. 🙂

  2. Lindsay says:

    This is exciting news! As for family – I think you should play it by ear vs making assumptions on how people will be/act/things they will do. One thing I’ve learned is: babies and children (usually) bring out the best in people.

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