Today I have feelings. I felt like running with the puppy, I went even further this time in a half hour. My legs are sore and I like it.
I felt like being patient, and enjoyed my time with my cousins’ kids at the zoo. Even when one was talking for a half hour about how she wanted to go to the butterfly garden.
Now my old friend from high school is pregnant. She didn’t ask me how my quest was going (she was literally one of the first people we told about it). The last I had heard from her she had a miscarriage (she wasn’t too bothered by it, she already has two healthy kids and she felt if a third didn’t happen, it was okay), then she mostly fell off the face of the earth. Today she mostly wanted to talk about how she hopes her next one is a girl.
I just can’t have that conversation today.
I used to never be someone who couldn’t. Especially for her, she used to be one of my best friends, now we never really talk. This is depressing. Also, it may have something to do with how I just got my period a couple hours ago, we weren’t trying this cycle so it’s not a dreaded period. Logically I know I just have to have one more first day of my period after this one, and that it’s a relatively short time. But still it bugs me and I know it’s not rational.