Today I have feelings. I felt like running with the puppy, I went even further this time in a half hour. My legs are sore and I like it. 

I felt like being patient, and enjoyed my time with my cousins’ kids at the zoo. Even when one was talking for a half hour about how she wanted to go to the butterfly garden.

Now my old friend from high school is pregnant. She didn’t ask me how my quest was going (she was literally one of the first people we told about it). The last I had heard from her she had a miscarriage (she wasn’t too bothered by it, she already has two healthy kids and she felt if a third didn’t happen, it was okay), then she mostly fell off the face of the earth. Today she mostly wanted to talk about how she hopes her next one is a girl. 

I just can’t have that conversation today.

I used to never be someone who couldn’t. Especially for her, she used to be one of my best friends, now we never really talk. This is depressing. Also, it may have something to do with how I just got my period a couple hours ago, we weren’t trying this cycle so it’s not a dreaded period. Logically I know I just have to have one more first day of my period after this one, and that it’s a relatively short time. But still it bugs me and I know it’s not rational.  


About DeCaf

Just a code monkey.
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6 Responses to Feelings

  1. mamaetmaman says:

    I love that feeling when you’re walking, and you feel inspired and energetically charged to run! I hate the weirdness that develops between friends. That’s the tragically beautiful thing about feelings.

  2. colormeanew says:

    I feel like I constantly have a problem with making friends that rather talk about themselves and their lives but don’t want to even consider asking me.
    I don’t think it’s you but her. If your trying to be friends again maybe you should let her know it hurt your feelings that she isn’t more interested in your life

  3. Rachael says:

    HUGS. That’s all, just HUGS. ((HUGS))

  4. The zoo is always fun when you have little ones. It’s like seeing everything for the first time. And if there is anything i’ve learned over the years, people change. We change. And sometimes we change together, and sometimes we change apart. It sucks (and it hurts) to have to realize that, but maybe you guys have changed, and so has your friendship, and that’s totally ok. It’s more than ok actually…it’s life.

  5. Molly says:

    It’s so hard when you drift apart from good friends, but it usually just means that you’re growing. Unfortunately, you don’t always grow together. But just look at where you are and what you’ve been up against–your life has changed in leaps and bounds over the last year. You decided to start a family. You’ve started two new jobs. You’re on a great path, and your time will be here very, very soon!

  6. Courtney says:

    you are allowed to feel that way 🙂

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