Things~!

Things are happening!

Ginger Jesus’ spermsicle is in Minnesota. Thank you UPS for allowing my obsessive tracking needs to be met. Now if only I could know what time it will be delivered (Latte has a doctor’s appointment at 2:30 pm, but will be home for the rest of the day).

It’s CD 12, and I have good CM. I’m probably going to get a positive ovulation prediction test result on Sunday hopefully and go in for the IUI Monday.

Latte and I are planning on going to an opera in the park Saturday.

I’m going to push for us to spend time outside, this may be the last nice weekend of the year.

If the IUI happens Monday, we’re planning to go to the lake at the end of the day to listen to the waves and relax. We’ll probably do that no matter what day it happens. We love our lakes in this house (er those in this house love lakes, not that there are lakes in this house).

It will all be good. That’s what I’m telling myself.

I have a question:

Do any of you guys have fears (or had fears when you were ttcing) about parenthood and your marriage? Latte has some (about children killing marriages) and I wish I could put her at ease. I know divorce happens, but I think that when it happens its often due to underlying issues that were present long before any children showed up. Anyone have useful thoughts about this?

Advertisements

About DeCaf

Just a code monkey.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Things~!

  1. butchjax says:

    First, good luck! It sounds like this is a good cycle for you.

    Second, I think you’re right. Divorce happens because people don’t talk, aren’t honest, aren’t proactive. It has nothing to do with the outside stressors in the end. My wife and I have made it through years of illness, various levels of financial and educational stress, and I have zero concerns about becoming parents because we’re pretty damn good at working through issues. A lot of other people don’t. They aren’t wiling to confront what is uncomfortable and work through issues (their own individually and as a couple). That’s why they fall apart. So if it helps, share this with her. Have discussions about how you would each prefer to handle parenting challenges. Work out some of those differences now so you aren’t blindsided as much when it pops up in reality. An example? Sometimes I get frustrated and I say something like ‘this is so stupid’ or ‘what are you, stupid’. I know this isn’t a good reaction. It really worries her. So I keep it in mind to keep working on now, rather than waiting for it to happen with our kid and causing a much bigger conflict then.

    I recommend picking up this book: Parenting from the Inside Out. Which reminds me to get back to reading it. lol It might help ease some concerns because it helps you be proactive. 🙂

  2. Lemon Drop says:

    Children can be hard on a marriage, but co-parenting can be so powerful in helping one appreciate one’s spouse, both as a person and a parent. In terms of Latte’s concerns, I would give the following advice. I don’t promise it’s useful.

    Communicate, even when it’s hard. Don’t assume your spouse knows what you’re thinking or what you want her to do or say. Be clear about expectations and needs and truly listen to hers.

    Believe the best of each other. Exhaustion is not personal. Expressions of frustration are not attacks. When things go right, acknowledge and pat each other on the back. Make a habit of showing affection and appreciation regularly in small and unexpected ways. Start this before you have kids.

    Talk about how you parent and why. Forgive yourselves and each other for not doing things the way you always thought you would do them. If you can’t talk neutrally about your own parenting, use a book or an observed parenting style as a reference point–where do you agree or disagree and why? Take the time to puzzle out what you do and do not like about various parenting choices.

    Talk about things that AREN’T parenting or your children. Reflection dates and recreation dates are both work making. Remind yourselves why you got into this relationship in the first place–relive those early years every now and again, both to remind yourselves of who you were when you first fell in love and to be glad you’ve grown beyond those selves.

    Personally, I think underlying issues have a way of surfacing whether or not there are children involved. I don’t think children can kill a marriage any more than they can fix a broken one, but I do think children can create circumstances that stress an otherwise strong marriage. How you deal with stress becomes even more important when you’re a parent. Remember the players in the marriage: You. Your Spouse. Your Relationship. They are three separate entities and each one requires dedicated attention. They are also separate entries from who you are as individual and co-parents.

    It’s going to be okay. You chose each other for a reason. Trust those reasons and the fact that you’re both figuring it out as you go. You are in it together, you each have your strengths, and you each have each other. You’ve got this.

    Enjoy the lake, the opera, the great outdoors, and, of course, the weekend. Nothing like a good weekend to get you in the mood for Monday stirrups!

  3. I think the ttc part is harder on a couple than the parenting part. But then again, I know of some couples where it was the opposite. For us, we were pregnant after 3 natural IUIs the first time, and had a virtually stress free pregnancy. We weren’t stressed about the parenting part because we had already been through a number of really stressful situations together and knew what we could expect from one another.

    Where the parenting part was hard on the couple, were with couples who clearly do/did not equally desire to start a family together and/or did not have any of those (what I consider obvious & essential) discussions prior to planning a family together. Values, parenting styles, what we agree or disagree on of other parenting examples around us… Basically, there needs to be good communication and willingness to be flexible with the roles each person will play.

    Always find ways to laugh and make each other smile. Keep doing what you’re doing. It sounds like you’ll be just fine!

    Best of luck with ginger Jesus!
    Xx

    • My thoughts were fragmented. For me, ttc for #2 has been really hard on us because it’s taken so long, been so expensive, and frustrating because of the unexplained infertility. Having a toddler at the same time leaves even less energy & time for the couple. We have friends who also had a very easy time getting pregnant with their first child (1st iui) but experienced a huge change in the dynamic of their couple. I think it was harder for them because they each had very differing expectations as to how life would be different as 3.

  4. Yay for Ginger Jesus Spermsicle! I hope everything goes swimmingly

  5. mamaetmaman says:

    Looks like a lot of good advice has been given so far. Good luck with the IUI and enjoy the lake!

  6. Communication is important…the most important actually. Callie and I haven’t really had any issues with our relationship since we became foster parents. Whenever something does come up, if either of us is feeling a certain way, or uncomfortable or WHATEVER, we make sure that it’s communicated. It will only get progressively worse if you bottle it up…everyone advice is pretty spot on tho…best of luck this cycle…I’ll be rooting for you guys!

  7. Becca says:

    Good luck! I think it’s normal to have those fears, having a baby definitely makes things different, but you just have to have open communication about it. You’ll have to make time for each other, but life will never be the same, and you won’t want it to.

  8. Molly says:

    When I was a teenager, I used to babysit for a couple with two kids. EVERY Saturday night, the two of them would have a date night, and I would stay with the kids. They were the most wonderful couple. It was apparent that they they didn’t just love each other, they liked each other. They were a really great couple with a healthy marriage and fantastic kids. It was honestly the first time I’d ever experienced a dynamic like that–or at least the first time I noticed it–but it was the proof I needed that it can be done. You can have kids and still have a healthy, enjoyable marriage. I imagine that they communicated well, and obviously they made time for their marriage.

    I know it probably doesn’t seem like it to you, but I feel like your TTC break has flown by! I’m so excited for you guys to try again! I will be thinking healthy, ovulatory thoughts for you this weekend!

  9. Molly says:

    I just realized that I forgot to say that I totally caught what you did there. Ovulation TESTERS unite! 🙂

  10. We have had our ups and downs but I honestly think we are better than ever with the success of ttc 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s