I started my period at 1:55 pm. I just happened to be in the break area and looked right over at the clock when I felt it start.
At 5:45 AM I noticed my temperature was up. Not all the way, but enough that I told myself “if it’s still up tomorrow, maybe I should test again?” And I started my day and noticed the amount I was spotting was dwindling to nothing. I started feeling hopeful about this cycle, maybe, somehow …
Then it came.
But now it is a new cycle. I just wish I could turn my brain off for the time between the last test I’m willing to take and when the next cycle begins.
I’m a bit of a type A, when I’m confronted with a problem my M.O. is to be stubborn and work at it until I’ve solved it. I tend to not know when to take a break or give it a rest, but that’s what made me succeed in grad school and makes me good at my job. This way of doing things isn’t productive for everything. It may even be counterproductive for reproductive matters, as the amount of stress it puts on me can’t really be helping anything.
My thought for this cycle is that I will try to be kinder to myself. To not judge myself about whether I’m being a hypochondriac or about how I may be guessing wrong, etc. I’ll just roll with the punches. If not this cycle, maybe the next one. It’s normal for it to take several cycles. (I’ve seen people conceive on the 6th or 7th try.) Fertility isn’t something you can work yourself into being an overachiever on, it’s not a skill and cannot be learned or developed through any effort. I should always try to keep that in mind.